I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
