my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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