literally had 100 drinks last night.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
