So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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