Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i dont even know how to be here
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
