That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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