i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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