Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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