hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
