whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
