the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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