I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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