he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
