Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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