She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
