You smell like stripper and shame
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
