What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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