She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
