All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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