I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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