I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize