Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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