My friends, they love my intelligence
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
