You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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