my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
