We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
