just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
