we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
