We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
