I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
