I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
