i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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