This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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