So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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