I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
