i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
