y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
