Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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