Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
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We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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