He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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