Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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