We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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