After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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