Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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