Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
