i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
