Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
