I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
