I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
