Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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