theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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