im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
