i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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