I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Houston, we have a squirter
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is my gift to your gina
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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