totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
