just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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