Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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