yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
