Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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