we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
