He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
