I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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