Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
