I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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