seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
