Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
