I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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