Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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