He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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