You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
