i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
