batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if only i could text you this smell
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
