Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
