this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
