1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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