so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
