they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
