I wish my penis had an off switch
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
